Courage - It's WHO You Are

So, I took a mental health day this week earlier than I normally do. Not because I was having a bad week. I planned it.

It was the last day that "The Blind Side" was playing at the local English theater, and I had to see this movie in the original.

It was a perfect day to do it too - rainy. And apparently it was a perfect day for 4 other women too. Four women that I happen to know, in this city of half a million people, only 1 of which I invited to join me. (This is when great minds think a like.)

But this post is not about the movie - not really.

Actually, I have a question for you. What do a Victorian white girl of middle-class standing who falls through a hole in the ground, and a modern day African-American boy from poverty who rises to play in the NFL, have in common?

Courage. (ˈkər-ij, ˈkə-rij\ - mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty)

I realize, especially if you don't know the story of Alice in Wonderland, or haven't seen either movie, that this will be a very large leap, but don't worry. I will try to bring you with me.

In both stories, there is a HERO, someone who is totally out of their element, who must face some incredible odds, to win. And by 'win', I mean to have the LIFE they want.

Yes, that sounds pretty formulaic, but they also had to answer the question 'Who Am I' ?

And THAT was the key for both of them to manifest, persevere, and withstand 'danger, fear, AND difficulty'!

It sounds so simple. But we tend to lump answers into categories that show who we are in relation to others (sister, daughter, husband, cousin) or our profession (teacher, nurse, business consultant) or our nationality or ethnicity.

But if we dig deeper, go more towards the core of who we are - the answers get more complex and closer to the TRUTH of WHO we are.

Try this exercise:

1. Write, non-stop, for 3 minutes on the question 'Who Am I'? Go back and read what you wrote. Circle words that jump out at you.
2. Then, write for another 3 minutes on the SAME question, but do not use any of the same words as you used in the first attempt. Repeat looking forward words.
3. One more time, but only for 2 minutes, write - you guessed it - about 'Who am I?' really.

What did you find? Now, imagine that you can be this person fully and completely. You might find that to do this you need to muster your courage.

Take heart. It doesn't happen overnight. We have to practice being who we are. Yup. Once we figure it out, we need to figure out how to be ourselves every day.

(Photo by Sanja Gjenero)

But when we do - WHOA - watch out world!

(Tip: if you need inspiration, watch 'The Blind Side' or 'Alice in Wonderland'.)

Finding Your Shadow - Shining Your Light

I know it is a funny sounding title, but the more I thought about this concept, the more it made sense. I just finished listening to a video cast from Brian Johnson, creator of Philosopher's Notes, and it made me think about my own personal "dark side".

Now, he talked about it based on a book called, "Dark Side of the Light Chasers" by Debbie Ford. In his video cast Brian said that it is important to own all parts of yourself, even those parts that you don't like. Ultimately, being whole is not about being perfect, it is about loving all aspects of yourself.

So, this got me thinking about my close look at being intolerant and how that could also be a great strength for me in some situations. It was a practice in integrating a 'dark' part of myself, without even knowing it! Cool.

That got me to look at what else frustrates me about others sometimes. Impatient people came to mind. I think of myself as an extremely patient person. Almost too patient.

A-HA! That's it. Why am I so patient? What if I wasn't? What is good about NOT being patient? Again, doing this switch-a-roo has got me to look at the strengths of a trait I do not like. Interestingly enough, I am least patient with myself.

A-HA! Again. So, what if I was more patient with myself (yes, practicing self-care, nurturing time for me, self-forgiveness etc.) and less patient with others? There could actually be positive effects. Wow. It is mindblowing.

I am going to try it.

Because ultimately, what Brian reminded me of was something very important:

We see in others what we see in ourselves. If we see weakness, impatience, intolerance, we see the shadow. However, we can also see creativity, resourcefulness, tolerance, patience, and love. We can shine our own light.

My conclusion: I can't find my shadow if I am not shining my light. You can't have one without the other. Again, it is not about perfection - it is about WHOLENESS.

What keeps you from being whole?